Michelle Wulfestieg
Executive Director of the SoCal Hospice Foundation
00:48:34
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Show Notes
Nonprofit leader and resilient spirit Michelle Wulfestieg joins the podcast to share her personal and career journey, as well as provide some guidance on finding your own life purpose. Michelle, the executive director of the SoCal Hospice Foundation, came back from a near-death experience to create The Heavenly Home, Orange County's first nonprofit end-of-life care facility that provides round-the-clock care to terminally ill individuals. This is an inspiring episode featuring a beautiful and wise soul.
Relevant episode links:
Southern California Hospice Foundation, The Heavenly Home, Book - All We Have Is Today
About Michelle Wulfestieg:
Michelle Wulfestieg embodies the spirit of resilience, having triumphed over adversity as a two-time stroke survivor. It is this life experience that drives Michelle’s determination to provide dignified care to older adults in our community. Alongside her incredible personal journey, she has established herself as an award-winning author and motivational speaker. Michelle's leadership at SoCal Hospice Foundation since 2010 has been transformative, propelling the organization from its humble beginnings to a multimillion-dollar entity.
Her unwavering commitment has touched the lives of over 7,000 individuals across California, addressing critical socio-economic needs, supporting veterans, and fulfilling the final wishes of patients. Collaborating with influential figures like Harrison Ford, Oprah Winfrey, and Selena Gomez, Michelle has harnessed the power of celebrity partnerships to amplify the impact of SCHF's noble cause.
Notably, Michelle spearheaded the capital campaign to fund the development of “The Heavenly Home” and subsequently led the effort to acquire and build out this unique residence. This nonprofit end-of-life care facility has become Orange County's beacon of compassion, providing round-the-clock care to terminally ill individuals. By addressing the hidden housing crisis for seniors, Michelle's visionary leadership ensures that no patient faces their final days alone. The Heavenly Home, which opened its doors in February 2023, is a testament to Michelle's indomitable drive and dedication.
Michelle has been lauded throughout her distinguished career with a number of awards including Outstanding Founder for Orange County’s 2018 National Philanthropy Day and she was named one of Orange County’s 100 Most Influential in 2023, 2019 and 2017 by the Orange County Register. Her greatest wish is that each human being finds true purpose, using the gifts they were given to change a life, to make a difference, and to do good works.
Transcript
On this episode, I'm pleased to feature and introduce to lawyers and law students Michelle Wulfestieg. She's the Executive Director of the Southern California Hospice Foundation, and she has a beautiful story, both in her personal journey, but also paying it forward in her work for others. Michelle, welcome.
Thank you so much for having me. I'm honored to be here.
Near-Death Experience
I'm pleased to have you. Share some of your story and how you came to where you are now. I think also that giving a good demonstration of finding the best way for you to serve the community, serve others, and find your purpose in life. I think a lot of people are looking for that or trying to figure that out, and you have a beautiful example of that.
Thank you so much. My journey started with my own personal health struggles. At the age of eleven, I was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor that I was born with, and it caused me to have a hemorrhagic stroke. They discovered a lesion in the brain that was too large to operate, so the course of action was to have 3 radiation treatments scheduled over the next 3 years.
Unfortunately, the first radiation treatment zapped the motorship on the left side of my brain and caused permanent paralysis of the right side of my body. I was twelve years old, entering junior high, and my right side was completely paralyzed. I had to learn how to write with my left hand, how to tie my shoe with one hand, button my pants, and all the activities of daily living.
Luckily, kids are pretty resilient. I was able to recover partially to where I still walked with a limp and didn't have use of my right arm, but I was able to manage. I got in my wheelchair. I didn't have a brace. I was able to be a little more mobile. I had the next treatment of radiation with no negative side effects and then it came time for my third radiation treatment. The doctor said that the lesion was still there. It had shrunk down to the size of a dime, but it was so deep in the brain that it was still inoperable.
They said it was something that would require another treatment of radiation, but that treatment would cause me to lose my ability to speak or understand language. Being a young teenager, I'm like, “What quality of life is that? There's no way I'm going to do that.” I told him I didn't want to do it. He said, “If you don't do it, you're not going to live to be 30 years old.”
I said, “Thirty is a long way away.” I chose to live every day to the fullest, knowing I had a limited life expectancy. I could have gone into a dark place and felt sorry for myself and said, “This is it,” and maybe pursued drugs or whatever, but I decided, “No. I am meant for more. I have a limited amount of time on this earth, but I'm going to make the most of it.
I was athletic prior to getting sick. I learned how to play volleyball. I skipped my way around the court. I learned to serve with one hand. I made the freshman team. By the time I was a senior, I was a varsity volleyball captain and the most enthusiastic bench warmer in all the leagues. I went to college and traveled all over the world. When I got back from my trip abroad, my perspective changed because when you step outside of your comfort zone, your perspective shifts.
Before I left on my trip abroad, I always thought, “What did I do to deserve this short life sentence? What did I do wrong? Am I being punished by God? How can I fix it?” There was a sense of sorrow and feeling sorry for myself. However, when you go to other countries, particularly third-world countries, and you see poverty. You see people starving, people without shoes, and people without income living on the streets dying of AIDS. You just think, “My problems are so small compared to what the rest of the world is going through.
I came back from that trip, and I knew I had to serve in some capacity. I had no idea what that looked like until I took a death and dying class in college. A part of the assignment was to volunteer for hospice. The patient that I was assigned to had also had a stroke, but unlike me, she was completely bedbound. She was 83 years old. She couldn't speak. She had severe aphasia. I asked her, “What was the one thing you loved to do before you got sick?” She said, “I love to read, but I can't read anymore because the stroke affected my vision.” I said, “Why don't we start a book club?”
I would go and I'd read to her about Great Women in America every week until the week she died two months later. When she passed, one of the sons asked me to give the eulogy at the funeral. There I was, 21 years old, giving a eulogy about a woman that I'd only known for two short months. Afterwards, one of the sons came to me and said, “You knew things about my mom that I never knew because I never took the time to ask.”
What does that say about how we treat our own family, how we treat the dying, and how we treat the elderly? I just knew in my heart that I was supposed to pursue a career in hospice. My first job out of college, I was 22 years old. I was a volunteer coordinator for a hospice. I recruited, trained, and retained volunteers to provide emotional support and companionship.
When I was 25, I had my second massive stroke. I was in a coma for eight days. I was not expected to ever wake up. If I did wake up, I was not expected to be able to talk, walk, and see. While I was in my coma, I had this beautiful near-death experience where I was completely surrounded by God. I knew I had to come back. I didn't want to, but I did and it took eight months of rehab before I was able to learn how to do everything all over again.
I then returned to work full-time as an executive director in the field of hospice. Since then, that's been my career. My career has always been in hospice, and that's not to say that my career won't change down the road because I am obedient to whatever God tells me to do. Especially after having that beautiful near-death experience, I know that God will guide me down the right path of whatever He wants me to do and whatever He feels my purpose is.
He opens doors that I don't even know how they open or how I walk through. He performs miracles every day. He creates divine opportunities or meetings where I have no business meeting a person and then they walk through my door or I walk through theirs. I have an incredible sense of faith and purpose since having that near-death experience back in 2008.
Self-Publishing
You also wrote a book about that experience. Tell me about how you decided to do that.
After I woke up from my coma, I just knew that I had to write my story. It's like, “Have you ever felt like you had to do something so much so badly in your soul that you couldn't rest until it was done?” That's how I felt. It’s like I had a story to tell, so writing that book was an act of obedience to God. I wrote it with one hand and a damaged brain. I had no idea how to type because I didn't know what letters were, but it was a form of rehab.
I requested all my medical records and talked to people who were there as eyewitnesses and of what I could remember, too. I compiled the story. I took classes at the local senior center in Newport Beach, and my professor said, “This is good, Michelle. Have you ever thought about getting an agent?” I said, “How do you get an agent?” She's like, “You have to write a query letter.” I said, “What's a query letter?” She's like, “You have to go down to the library and check out this book that's about it.”
There was a big book before, right?
Yeah. It's a huge book, and you have to get all the addresses and write letters to all of these agents. Let them know that you are writing a book and see if they’ll represent you. I wrote about 300 query letters. I got rejection letter after rejection letter, and then all it took was one yes. I got an agent. She helped me finish it, and we got an editor to help me. It rewrote the book probably 50 times. I had all my coworkers and my friends read it.
She pitched the book to the Christian division of Waterhouse. I don't know the name. She pitched it to them and I got to the acquisition editor, who said she laughed and cried. She held the book close to her chest and said, “This is a book the world needs to read.” However, she doesn't have a platform. She doesn't have a million Facebook followers. She can't guarantee 25,000 book sales, so we'll have to pass.
My agent said, “I've pitched it to everybody there is to pitch to you, Michelle. You're going to have to self-publish,” so I self-published because my prayer every day is that my book will be put in the right hands of the person who needs to read it at the time. I didn't write it for fame or wealth by any means or to make any kind of profit. I wrote it because I felt it was a story that needed to be told.
There's so much in there. Doing something that you felt strongly the need to do it. You had no idea what you were doing. You had never done anything like that before. Having that, but nonetheless, moving forward, I think, gets that courage muscle going and helps overcome fear. That's important. “I don't know how to do this, but I know that what I have to say needs to get out there so I'll find the way to do that.”
The other thing that I think was at a good time, and certainly now, it's so much the case. So many people will choose to self-publish instead of publishing with a mainline publisher now because it's much easier to do that. Also, you have more control over your story and all of that. The distribution's so much better now. Everybody goes on Amazon.
The story will still get out there, but that decision-making makes you think, “I thought there was a certain decision-making that was made when publishers made decisions.” However, now I realize there are all these other factors. Social media factors and other things they think are important to sell the book. It's the business side of the editorial decisions that think about it.
That's why so many celebrities have book deals because they have a platform and it can be the best-written book ever but if you don't have a way to guarantee tens of thousands of book sales, you are not going to get a contract.
Also, your reason like, “That's fine. I still want to do this. I still think there's an importance in doing this,” because if I can just reach however a small bunch of people who need this at the time that they need, and I have it to share with them, that will serve the book's purpose for me. I had this same feeling when I was publishing books for the first time. I was like, “If this impacts somebody's life,” and it has. Some have in an important way, at a key moment in time, that it has served a purpose.
End-Of-Life Care Home
I think that obviously, in your case, you have some good and clear guidance about where you should take your service, but you also have had a fair amount of creativity and dogged persistence. You have worked in the hospice realm for a while, but tell me about your current project that you're working on that’s unique, The Heavenly Home.
God put it on my heart to open an end-of-life care home. Our vision for the SoCal Hospice Foundation has always been to have an end-of-life care home. I would go and talk about it at fundraisers with our donors. One of my good friends said, “Michelle, you always talk about this end-of-life care home, but what are you doing about it?” That convicted me.
That’s a good question. You're like, “Yeah, that's right.”
She is so right. It's one thing to have a vision and every nonprofit organization has a vision, but how many of those nonprofit organizations are working toward achieving that vision? I thought, “I have to stop talking about it. I have to start doing something about it,” so I'm like, “I've never done a capital campaign before. I have no idea what I'm doing. What do I do?”
Every nonprofit organization has a vision. But how many of them are actually working toward achieving that vision?
The first thing I did was I contacted the executive coaches of Orange County, and I got an executive coach, Larry Tucker. He is amazing. He's wonderful. I've worked with him for many years now. That was number one. Number two, I'm like, “I need to surround myself with people in the community who understand the importance of what we're trying to do.”
What is a nonprofit end-of-life care home? It is a place where hospice patients can go and receive 24-hour caregiving housing support, and we work with the hospice team who comes in and renders the care. It’s a community collaboration. What we're trying to solve is people who don't have access to caregiving resources, people who are at their wit's end because they can no longer care for their dad, who has Alzheimer's.
They need to place him somewhere. He's in hospice and they want to place him somewhere where he will be cared for, loved, and doted on. That's what we were trying to solve. I gathered all of these business executives in the community, donors, people who are personal friends of mine, and people with affluence and influence, and I said, “This is what we need to do. We need to fundraise for this house.”
It was just an idea. We had researched a lot of other models of nonprofit end-of-life care homes throughout the United States. We looked at California and there were only two others. One in Santa Barbara and one in San Francisco. There was also one in Torrance. We were just trying to figure out, “How do we do it?” We took best practices from them. We had a business plan in place and then we started fundraising.
We had raised about $400,000 and then a woman called me out of the blue and said, “My grandmother just passed away and I'm interested in supporting you. Can we go to lunch?” We went to lunch, and she came back and said, “If you find the house, I will give you the money you need to purchase the house.” We made an all-cash offer on the house in Mission Viejo. We fundraised to renovate the home and then built an endowment of $2 million. It needs to be $5 million, so we're still fundraising $3 million to sustain The Heavenly Home. Basically, we welcome patients on a sliding scale who need that support and assistance. It's supplemented by fundraising.
I was wondering how the funding worked on that.
They pay something and then we also take low-income patients who are on Medi-Cal with the assisted living waiver, which is where the government, California, will reimburse us for Medi-Cal patients who are low-income for their room and board and their stay with us. However, it still doesn't cover our expenses for that 24-hour care. There is a lot of fundraising involved in this project.
I think it's interesting. You said you looked at the few examples in California to see like, “What do we think our best practices should be?” I think there's something special about your home that I think filters from you, though, in terms of seeing people and treating them as whole beings and treating them with dignity and respect based on their interests.
That's a very good point because I think from my perspective, I have the advantage of knowing what it's like to be sick so sick to where you cannot even feed yourself. When you are able to come back from that and then you're able to sit with a dying person who can't feed themselves and feed them and be with them, it gives you a whole different sense of knowing them as a person. They're still a person. They're not just sick.
For example, there are small ways that you can give a person dignity who's dying. One of those ways is to give them as much control as possible. I'll give an example. We had a patient. We always try to do fun things for our residents. We throw parties and make them feel important and special. We had a patient, Archie, who passed away. He was a former physician in a hospital for many years. He is a pediatrician. He was being filmed for a documentary that they were doing about The Heavenly Home.
You can give dignity to a dying person by offering them as much control as possible.
He's very low-income. He didn't qualify for Medi-Cal because he had too much Social Security, but he didn't save his money and he had no money. Basically, he was a lower-income patient, and we took him on at The Heavenly Home, where we gave him such a great end-of-life experience. About a month before he died, we did a little film session about him. I know he didn't have good clothes. I went off to Saks Fifth Avenue because I knew he was being filmed and I got him two outfits to choose from. I brought it to him and I gave him a choice. I said, “Which one do you like better?” He said, “This one.”
He was able to wear that outfit, but if I hadn't given him a choice and I had bought him something, it would be more like it was a charity case for him. I gave that sense of dignity to the ability to even choose his outfit and his breakfast. How does he like his toast? It’s little things like that where you engage the dying person and give them a choice. It would be easier just to cook them the meal and give it to them. We do things like that at The Heavenly Home all the time. We try to encourage and support them as human beings.
That's an interesting question about choice. I was thinking the same kind of thing with children, too. You give them different options for different outfits. You can choose whichever one you would like to wear, but you make sure that they all go together.
It's the same type of thing with our hospice patients. Just giving them whatever they need to feel in control and to feel valued. They feel heard and listened to because when you are so weak and you're not even able to lift a spoon to your mouth, it is very frustrating. It is heartbreaking. To have someone that comes in and gives them that love and the gift of loving presence, there's nothing more profound than that.
The presence part is so important. If you are the one visiting someone, you may not know whether it makes a difference, but I've always heard that it does. Just knowing they know when you're there.
Even if they're in a coma, we know that hearing is one of the last things to go. I know when I was in my coma, I could hear everything. I could hear doctors saying, “If you can hear me, open your eyes. If you can hear me, squeeze their hand.” We know that patients can hear, so we encourage family and loved ones to say what you need to say to your loved one.
Tell them, “I'm sorry.” You ask for forgiveness and give forgiveness. Tell them you love them and say goodbye. Give them permission to go because that's really what people need. A lot of times, before people die, they're not holding on for themselves. They're holding on for someone else. They'll wait until that last person arrives and says goodbye or they'll wait until the plane touches down in the city and then they'll pass because they just know that part of their end-of-life journey is closure.
Divine Guidance
There's definitely that other sense of what's going on. One thing I love in your story, too, is this. I don't know if you want to call it gumption or whatever, but that you find a way to sort of execute your vision, or whatever it is. Even if you have no idea at that point in time what the path is to get there, you just start taking the first step. How do you do that? How do you navigate that, and what do you think about it when you're doing it? Do you think of it as one step and keep moving forward or it sounds like you also have some divine guidance in that also.
I have divine guidance and I feel like in my life, I've always been very project-orientated. When I don't have a project, I feel lost. I need a project.
Me too. I have the same thing. I'm like, “What? I don't have something.”
It's like, “Yeah, exactly. I need something to work on. I need something to focus on. Where do I put my energy?” Since I woke up from my coma, my projects are 1) Write my book, 2) Adopt our daughter, and 3) Open The Heavenly Home. Now, I'm in limbo, like, “God, what is my next project? What do you want me to do next?”
I've been praying about it. What do you want me to do? I have some ideas of what I want to do, but I don't know for sure yet. In between, when you have something, that gumption, and you're searching for what's next, you sometimes have to sit in the uncomfortableness of not knowing what's next. I hate that part of it because I want to know where I'm going and what I need to do, but I know it's all project-based.
That's why I say I believe that each of us, we all have a purpose, but that purpose may change at different points in our lives. Don't allow yourself to get stuck in one position or one category, saying that this is what you do and that this is what you're going to do for the rest of your life. I believe that God gives us different purposes at different times to serve for different reasons. That's why I look at it as projects.
That's an interesting perspective because I think that is right. People can get stuck like, “I'm supposed to do X,” which is to write about that particular role or something. I hadn't thought of it before as it can change or evolve or that may have been at one point, but it can manifest in different ways. Maybe that's thinking about your purpose or intention in a much broader way and then these particular things are particular manifestations of it or, as you say, projects.
I think it's a much more realistic way to live your life because it doesn't pinpoint you in a box. People like to put labels on things because it's more comfortable for them. “She does this for a living,” or, “She's that for a living,” or, “This is how she is,” or whatever but it's not true because that's how we evolve. That's how we become the better version of ourselves. That's how we grow and develop not getting stuck in that box.
Unlock the better version of yourself by chasing growth and not getting stuck in a box.
I was thinking about that. As you evolve, the purpose evolves also and maybe you gain skills that you didn't have before and so now you're ready to do something that you weren't ready to execute on maybe as well as you can now.
That's why I love challenges, too. When you have a challenge and don't know how to do something, but then you learn how to do it, it is hard to step outside your box and figure out how to do something. Also, it's historic to do something groundbreaking that's never been done before in Orange County and to only have three nonprofit end-of-life care homes in the state of California. It's trailblazing, but to be successful and open it, you had better believe there were a lot of hurdles. There was a lot of pushback.
As the lawyer of me, I was like, “I can't even think about all of the regulations.”
Exactly, and dealing with the state, the local governments, and all of these governing bodies like the Orange County Fire Authority and then donors. It was raising the money and the sustainability of it. There was just so much and there were so many times where I thought, “Is it going to happen? Is this something that is feasible?” It's been open since last February 2023 and we're still fundraising all the time.
I'd like to get to a point where we raise that $3 million extra, which would ensure the sustainability of the home where I wouldn't have to continually fundraise for it because that's the exhausting part. I would like to move on from a place in my career where I'm not always fundraising so there are always challenges with any endeavor, but there are always solutions and that's what I believe.
The one good thing about being trailblazing in this regard is that, yes, there were some regulations and red tape or all the various agencies involved, but it was also new, so it was something that if they're open to it, they could adjust to or work without having whatever layers of approvals they are now going to have for homes like that.
I just wanted to do it. When people are going to a place where they know they're going to die, it's better to have a beautiful environment where you feel loved, supported, and cared for. You walk in and you feel God's presence and this beautiful sanctuary of hope. It might not be hope for a cure, but it's hope for comfort, quality of life, and dignity with death. If you can accomplish that where people can walk in the door and they can feel God's presence and they can be at ease and know everything's going to be okay, that's what I wanted to create because it's something that we're all going to have to deal with, and there's a lot of people out there that need our support.
It sounds to me that even your vision of this and the holistic vision and how you've executed it in The Heavenly Home, it seems like that could be helpful and a great model for a lot of these homes, whether you're talking about low-income or not. It seems like a beautiful model.
I would love to open another home, but before I do that, I want to build an endowment to the sustainability of it. I think it's easy to have a building, but it's another thing to have 24-hour staff caring for dying people. Also, when you do caregiving, you have to do it well because these are people's lives and these are families. We do such a beautiful job with The Heavenly Home. It is incredible quality care. We don't want to compromise that, and I think the surest way not to do so is to build that endowment because the whole operation costs about $650,000 a year, and we have six beds.
The average length of stay is anywhere from 6 hours to 15 months. There's constant turnover, and we're always trying to fill the beds a then there's low income. You have to fundraise to supplement that. If we had that endowment, then it would be less of a fundraising lift, which is harder to do to continually ask people for larger donations.
That's always a challenge that nonprofits have. Having the endowment eases that pressure but it's a challenge to balance the current fundraising and the endowment fundraising.
That's exactly right. The endowment fundraising is totally different because then you're restricting it to the endowment. You can't use cash to help support your operations. It's a constant struggle.
Trying to balance that out and planning for the unexpected, having some cushion that you can use it for. Also, that endless question of nonprofit fundraising.
I know. It's a struggle.
Memories And Comfort
I think another interesting thing that you do as part of your more holistic view of service to those who come to the homes is this sense of what is it that you enjoy and trying to fulfill some of those desires that they might have. I see it as a little bit of a combination of a little Make-A-Wish together with the other service. How did you think of that, or how did it come to be? It sounds to me, again, it's organic from your experiences because you know to ask that question. I don't know that people would think, “People would want to be asked that question.”
I think a lot of times, unless I think a lot of times when other people are sick and they're dying, it makes the caregiver, whether they're family or not just sad. You're focused more on their comfort, but you forget that they are still a person. They still have desires and wants. They can still smile. They can still laugh and it's okay. Just because they're dying, as long as they're not in pain, they can have a good quality of life. A part of having that good quality of life is making memories.
One thing we always do is ask, “What makes you most happy? What is one thing that we could help you with? What is one thing that you would want to do before you die?” Sometimes, it's seeing a family member that they haven't seen in a long time. We'll buy plane tickets and fly that family member out there to see them. Sometimes, it's Christmas early in July because they know they're not going to make it to Christmas. Sometimes it's a meal they want, maybe a steak and sometimes a birthday party or an Elvis impersonator coming. Whatever it is that makes them happy, that's what we want to do because we want to give them moments of joy.
That's a good reminder of being in the present moment also and that moments of joy in themselves are worthwhile. It’s a good reminder for ourselves to try to stay in the moment.
It means so much to me to have a patient hold my hand, look at me, and say, “I'm so happy I'm here.” Think about that. They're in a home. They know they're dying, but they're so happy they're here. I think it's especially true when patients come from other facilities or other circumstances, and it's not near the quality of care we provide. Our house is absolutely beautiful. It was remodeled, and we had a designer come in and volunteer for a time. It's just beautiful. When you have someone say, “I'm so happy I'm here,” it is the biggest reward you can get after all those years of hard work.
It's back to that moment of saying, “At this moment, I'm really happy that I'm here.” There's a lot of nature as far as I can see. To be able to see outside. I know that there are a lot of studies about that in terms of the healing impact of nature and being able to see it even in a hospital room or in this setting.
Every room in the house has outdoor patio access with doors wide enough that a hospital bed can be wheeled outside. We intentionally made sure that the outside was landscaped beautifully so that when you walk out, you feel refreshed and you're in nature because there is something so healing about that. We even have family members come out, and they do yoga in the backyard. They have family reunions and barbecues in the backyard. It's a place where family can come and just be family. Patients can go out there, sit, watch the butterflies, look at the flowers, and listen to music. The outside is just as important as the inside.
That’s an important point, point too, in terms of serving the whole family, which also serves the person who's there because they like to have their family around.
It is so important that the family is involved in the care. We even welcome when the patient starts to transition and actively die. The family is welcome to come and sit at the bedside. Every room is outfitted with a recliner so that family members can spend the night and be there with them as they take their last breath.
Finding Purpose
That's thoughtful to the family and the person you serve directly. That's amazing. What kind of advice would you give to those who are trying to figure out, “What do I do next? How do I fulfill my purpose?”
I would spend some time with God and ask him to guide me and show me the way. Also, talk to mentors, find people who know you and who you can speak with openly, and ask them, “What do you think I'm good at? What do you think my talents are? How can I best serve the community,” and just start having a conversation about it. Start being open to what comes your way. I would start there, and once you get leads, you just pursue those leads and doors will open, but you have to feel convicted about it and you have to experiment.
When I was searching for my career purpose, I volunteered at all these different organizations. I volunteered at a rape crisis center in Washington, DC, for three months. I volunteered with kids with autism. I knew I had to serve in some capacity, but I didn't know what that looked like. I found it in hospice and for me, it ended up being a career, but you have to be open to trying new things and things will fall into place.
I think that's right and also having a level of curiosity and openness to things.
Also, if you're not curious about something, then don't pursue it because you're not going to be good at it.
Also, I think that you mentioned the openness earlier about the evolving manifestations of your purpose. As you grow, I think there's that level of openness that's helpful throughout your career, and if you're not searching for your next project, maybe it'll find you if you are just open to new things.
You have to be open to new things. You have to be willing to take risks and try something new. I've always said that if you're not scared, your dream's not big enough.
That's a good measure.
If you have a dream that scares you, then you know you're on the right path. If you have a dream that doesn't, then your dream's not big enough.
That’s good because most people are paralyzed once they have that fear moment and you're like, “No, that's a sign of you getting close.”
Most people are paralyzed by fear or failure because they think, “What if I fail?” If you're going to fail, there's no doubt you're going to fail. The difference between you and the next person is, “Will you give up?” You can have a dream and you will fail over and over again. The Heavenly Home had many failures in making it to opening. There were many setbacks, but we didn't give up. I didn't give up my book. It’s the same thing. Adopting our daughter is the same thing. You just don't give up until you've accomplished your goal.
Sometimes it can look a little bit different than you originally envisioned, but that's okay.
That's a part of the creative process. Any purpose and goal evolve. It changes. It shifts, and it looks different from what you thought it would look like. In construction even. There are always change orders. Nothing will ever go according to plan. Even if the architect drew up these perfect pictures, there will be changes. There will be change orders.
It’s because the design looked great, but in reality, we need a few other things to make this work.
That is applicable to all aspects of life.
I also think you get better at that by taking the leap and doing things that you think are important to be done, even if you don't have any training on all the steps to get there. I think you've shown that, whether it's the book publishing experience or other things. You're like, “This is important and I'm going to find the way.”
You have to, and I think that's the best part of being alive. You have the ability to do anything that you want, but you just have to have the drive and then be resourceful. I think that's what differentiates me from other people. It's not that I'm the smartest person in the workroom. It's that I'm the one who's willing to try and willing to be resourceful in how to get it done. I don't have all the answers, but I know people who might.
You have the ability to do anything you want. You just need to have the drive and be resourceful.
I know who will be able to help me get to where we need to go. I think that's true of all of us. Think about everything that people could accomplish if they just had the courage to say, “This is something that needs to be done. I don't know how to do it, but I know people who might want to help me or who can help me to make it happen.”
That's a good point, too, thinking about it. Sometimes people think it's a solo operation and might be from the original vision, but bringing the right team together and bringing the right people at the right time allows the project to keep moving.
To have the vision is one thing, but to put in the blood, sweat, and tears is another. It takes all of it. You have to be willing to do everything.
Lightning Round
Especially in your arena where you're trailblazing on that particular project. That's true. Usually, I end with a few lightning-round questions. I am going to ask first, who is your hero in real life?
My husband. He saved my life and he has been an amazing father to our daughter. He's an incredible human being.
For what in life do you feel most grateful? It might be connected to your earlier answer.
My family, for sure. They are incredible. That's what I'm most grateful for. It’s my relationships. I'm grateful for my relationship with God, my relationship with my community, my friends, and my family. It's the people around me.
Which talent would you most like to have but don't?
The talent that I would like to have but don't is running.
Given the choice of anyone in the world, and whether they could be with us on this earthly plane or not, who would you invite to a dinner party? It could be more than one person, too.
I would invite probably and the disciples and say, “Can I join you,” and listen in on the conversation for a little bit. That would be one. I think, more importantly, at this point in my life, I want to have dinner with someone who wants to have dinner with me because I don't want to waste my time with someone who doesn't want to spend time with me.
I think it's time, especially in hospice, when you know time is of the essence and you don't have a lot of it left, you can't focus on unimportant relationships or trying to pursue relationships with people who don't want to have a relationship with you. It's more about quality time with people who are going to bring you up and support you and you're going to do the same for them.
That's a good point in general to have a focus on those kinds of relationships where you can mutually help each other grow in that way.
Think about how many times you've been at a dinner party and you're like, “I can't stand this person. I don't want to be here.” It doesn't happen often, but you have to be more selective, especially as you grow in your faith and your career. You don't want to spend it with people who are negative or people who don't have your best intentions at heart.
When you're like, “Dinner parties,” I was thinking for those of us who are a little more introverted too, we're like, “There are too many people.” It’s an energy drain instead.
Exactly, and do you have the energy for it? Is it going to make you a better person at the end of the day?
Also, combine that with a little bit of openness and curiosity too, because you're like, “I'm not going to completely say no, I'm never going to do this. I'll try,” and then say, “No. I was right or I wasn't.” There are some amazing things that come from that that you never anticipated.
If you have a feeling not to go, trust your gut and don't go.
If you have a feeling not to go, trust your gut and do not go.
That's such a good point about trusting your gut because I think every time I've done anything, I'm like, “Boy, did I regret that?” and you know it. You had that inner compass and you just overrode that.
You overrode it. You're like, “I should go to this anyways,” and then you go and you're like, “That was a disaster,” or you get in a car accident or something happens and you're like, “Why did I even try,” but you know internally. If you don't want to go, don't.
There's something going on here, whether it's the travel. You shouldn't be in that place at that point in time or whatever.
I am fully a proponent of listening to your gut, your inner voice, the Holy Spirit, or whatever you want to call it. That is your guidance. That is telling you like right from wrong. You have to listen to that because that's what I've listened to since I woken up from my coma, and that's how I've been able to accomplish what I've accomplished. It's listening to that gut, inner voice, and spirit of God speaking to and guiding and directing me.
It has to do with something as simple as having dinner with someone. If I don't want to have dinner with them, I won't because my time is valuable. My relationships are valuable. Not that I'm saying I don't want to because you're not good enough for me. I'm saying it's because when you are dealing with life and death, every moment matters.
That's a good observation, but definitely that gut thing. In small ways, in large ways, you are like, “Ugh. Geez,” and you always say, “I knew it. Why didn't I follow it?” I think it's because we want to rationalize it. We’re like, “I don't understand why I would feel that way,” and you want to rationalize out of things and have very analytical decision-making, but sometimes you have to go with the gut. I think that's a combination of your experience. You can't put it into words, but it doesn't come out of nowhere. The last question, what is your motto, if you have one?
“All We Have Is Today.” It’s the title of my book. That's my motto.
Episode Wrap-up
That's a good one. I think that's a good way to end and, hopefully, encourage everyone to make the best of each day. Thank you so much for sharing your story, journey, and amazing accomplishments through the foundation.
Thank you so much for having me. It was such a joy and a pleasure.
Thank you, Michelle.